1 post tagged “rant”

Quite a few of my younger relatives have been doing fantastic things in their lives and living through some tough times, and I am jealous, even of the awful events. I want what they have. I want to be engaged, to have a house, to move around the country, to write something (anything) and have it published by something that is not a print on demand publisher. I think, they're younger than me, what am I doing wrong? I feel like I should have done it first. Stupid, I know, but that's how it is. I used to be first in so much, then I got into college where everyone was first, and I fell behind. I'm status quo. I work and I think of how someday I could be more. I think about finishing a story and have to date never really done it. Everyone sounds suitably impressed when they find out what I do, but if they had to sit through a day...no one needs a college degree to do my job. I'm not even taking classes, because it's 'taking time from my writing.' Someone call ballocks on me.

I get all motivated for a while and then it just disappears. I have big events, sure. But I guess not the ones I really want. I support myself, I have a great boyfriend, a reliable means of transportation and parents that love me, but I feel like more, and I don't see how I'm going to get it.

And it's sad to find out how much I don't know about my family. We used to be so close. I'm the only one that never left.

stupid, to make myself feel this way. Guess I need to keep working on the novel. (I am perilously close to not being able to say the novel. I have three unfinished NaNoWriMo manuscripts, which must, to satisfy my anal self, be finished, one day. One day.) No day but today.